This is the next in my series of sample IELTS essays. It is written to a 5 paragraph model and takes an opinion led approach, giving the writer’s opinion in the introduction. To help you learn from this essay, I have added notes on the introduction, the conclusion, vocabulary, coherence and cohesion.
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The threat of nuclear weapons maintains world peace. Nuclear power provides cheap and clean energy. The benefits of nuclear technology far outweigh the disadvantages. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer.
One question that has caused a great deal of controversy over the years is nuclear technology. Although it offers a number of advantages in world peace and green power, it is also a dangerous technology. In this essay I intend to show how these benefits counterbalance that disadvantage.
The opponents of nuclear power generally base their arguments on the danger it represents to the world. There are two main dangers: the risk of nuclear warfare and the nuclear disasters. The danger of nuclear war is obvious and if one thinks about Chernobyl, it is easy to understand why people are worried about nuclear power, as it can cause major suffering.
There are, however, good reasons for believing that nuclear technology is generally advantageous. The first of these is that there has not been a major world conflict since the invention of nuclear weapons. While there have been wars, they have not been on the same scale as the Second World War. It is possible to say that the world is a safer place because of nuclear weapons.
The other most significant benefit relates to the environment. Perhaps the greatest danger facing our world today is a combination of global warming and the greenhouse effect. This danger is caused partly by burning fossil fuels which leads to our polluted atmosphere. Nuclear power, however, is a much greener alternative which does not have such negative effects. Furthermore, in the last 50 years there have not been too many nuclear disasters and many experts claim that it is in fact a safe technology.
In conclusion I would say that nuclear technology is better than the current alternatives. However, I also believe we should keep looking for ways to make it safer.
Commentary
Introduction
There are 3 parts to the introduction. The first part summarises in a general statement the issue. The next sentence focusses on the precise question asked in the task. The third sentence signals to the reader both the writer’s point of view and how the essay will be structured.
One question that has caused a great deal of controversy over the years is nuclear technology. Although it offers a number of advantages in world peace and green power, it is also a dangerous technology. In this essay I intend to show how these benefits outweigh that disadvantage.
Conclusion
The conclusion in an opinion essay is typically harder to write, as there is a danger of repetition of the opinion stated in the introduction. One possible technique is to look to the future:
In conclusion I would say that nuclear technology is better than the current alternatives. However, I also believe we should keep looking for ways to make it safer.
Vocabulary
To get a higher band in IELTS writing you need to show a range or variety in vocabulary. My advice is to plan this vocabulary before you start writing. One place to start is by looking at key words from the question and looking for related words. Here are some examples from this essay:
- advantage/disadvantage
- a number of advantages
- benefits
- generally advantageous
- significant benefit
- negative effects
- world peace
- nuclear warfare
- nuclear war
- world conflict
- Second World War
- safer place
- cheap and clean energy
- the environment
- fossil fuels
- global warming
- greenhouse effect
- greener alternative
- polluted atmosphere
Coherence and cohesion
To make coherence work at the essay level, think carefully about how you start paragraphs. Look at how the 3 content paragraphs signal to the reader how the argument of the essay develops:
The opponents of nuclear power generally base their arguments on (argument against nuclear power)There are, however, good reasons for (argument for)The other most significant benefit (2nd argument in favour)
One place to start with coherence is adopting some ready-made coherence phrases and then adapting them for your own writing. If you like, take a look at my essay vocabulary which is sorted into categories.
For cohesion see how the sentences in this paragraph are linked together:
The other most significant benefit relates to the environment. Perhaps the greatest danger facing our world today is a combination of global warming and the greenhouse effect. This danger is caused partly by burning fossil fuels which leads to our polluted atmosphere. Nuclear power, however, is a much greener alternative which does not have such negative effects. Furthermore, in the last 50 years there have not been too many nuclear disasters and many experts claim that it is in fact a safe technology.
Each sentence contains a linking word near the beginning to show how the sentence links:
- perhaps (explanation)
- however (contrast)
- Furthermore (additional point)
Other sentences contain language that repeats of reflects language from the previous sentence:
- the environment = global warming and the greenhouse effect
- the greatest danger = This danger
- our polluted atmosphere = such negative effects
Wonderfull,,,sir