IELTS writing – paragraph coherence 2 | Dominic Cole's IELTS Blog

IELTS writing – paragraph coherence 2

Published on 20 December 2009 by Dominic Cole in writing

How can you make your IELTS essay more coherent and cohesive? This is a question that matters, particularly if you are after a score of more than 6.0. Coherence and cohesion are two writing skills that may seem “theoretical”, but in fact can have a dramatic and very practical effect on your writing. This post shows with how you can improve your writing by following 4 simple tips.

Tips

Here are some straightforward tips – nothing too complex here at all.

1. Think about how you start each sentence

2. Try using connecting phrases and not simple words

3. Consider how you can use vocabulary

4. Think in paragraphs

A learner example

Here is a sample paragraph from a student essay on

People who don’t know how to work with Computers would be disadvantaged. Do you agree or not?

Secondly, computers play a vital role in education. All academic books are generated electronically. Students are learning their subjects only through computers. Computers are also useful for them to present their projects to their peers and professors. Students’ progress can be tracked through computers.

Commentary

In some ways it is not too bad at all. I have corrected one or two grammatical errors, but there weren’t that many in the first place. Again, there is a reasonable range of vocabulary and some good collocations: “academic books” “present projects” “peers and professors” “track progress”. But, there is a but. The writing doesn’t flow at all: it doesn’t really read like a paragraph, more like a group of unconnected sentences.

An improved version

Now take a look at my “improved” version: using as much of the original as possible:

It is also possible to claim that information technology is playing an increasingly vital role in education. One way this happens is that more and more academic books are generated electronically and in consequence many students are using computers to study. An additional point is that computer technology is frequently used by students to make presentations both to their peers and professors. Indeed, it is probably true to say that most courses at university require some level of computer literacy.

What have I done to improve it? Actually there is surprisingly little. Taking my tips in turn let’s analyse the differences.

Openings of sentences: phrases not words

The first thing I did was to concentrate on the openings of the sentences. These matter because they provide the link between one sentence and the next. You should see that the red language is what I call “structural language” and with appropriate variations can be used from essay to essay.

The other point to note is that I am using phrases and not single words to provide the links. The example here is “Secondly” in the original is replaced by “It is also possible to claim that”.

It is also possible to claim that information technology is playing an increasingly vital role in education. One way this happens is that more and more academic books are generated electronically and in consequence many students are using computers to study. An additional point is that computer technology is frequently used by students to make presentations both to their peers and professors. Indeed, it is probably true to say that most courses at university require some level of computer literacy.

Vocabulary

The next point on my list is to consider vocabulary. In the original see how often the word “computers” is repeated:

Secondly, computers play a vital role in education. All academic books are generated electronically. Students are learning their subjects only through computers. Computers are also useful for them to present their projects to their peers and professors. Students‘ progress can be tracked through computers.

This repetition does not work: it makes each sentence seem as if it has no connection to the one that came before: there are 4 sentences each about computers. In my variation I have tried to vary the language by using synonyms. The subject remains the same, but now the language develops.

It is also possible to claim that information technology is playing an increasingly vital role in education. One way this happens is that more and more academic books are generated electronically and in consequence many students are using computers to study. An additional point is that computer technology is frequently used by students to make presentations both to their peers and professors. Indeed, it is probably true to say that most courses at university require some level of computer literacy.

Paragraphs are wholes: not lists

The final step is to think of the paragraph as a whole – in the same way as you look at an essay as a whole: something with a beginning, middle and end. In the original the final sentence was not connected to the previous sentences, it was just one more point in a list. In my version, however, it forms a conclusion, by summarising the previous points. One way to do this is to refer back to your first sentence:

It is also possible to claim that information technology is playing an increasingly vital role in education. One way this happens is that more and more academic books are generated electronically and in consequence many students are using computers to study. An additional point is that computer technology is frequently used by students to make presentations both to their peers and professors. Indeed, it is probably true to say that most courses at university require some level of computer literacy

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IELTS writing – paragraph coherence 2